Long over-due (the post, not me!)

I will start by apologizing for not letting you know this news sooner. 

Once you read the news, I am hopeful you will understand why it has taken me almost 24 hours to process...

Yesterday I had my final ultrasound for this pregnancy and things are still looking the same. 

At the end the specialist said, "Everything looks decent." 

"Decent" is not really a word you like to hear during a medical exam, but, you take what you get, right? 

I asked, "Does the uterus look good?" 

He said, "Good? NO! But it looks the same, it has not thinned any more." 

To me, that is "good." God has maintained the thickness of 2-3 mm for 8+ weeks. 

That is a miracle with a growing baby boy in there who moves like his older two brothers already! 

Next I asked when he would schedule the c-section. 

I have been mentally and physically preparing for this little guy's arrival since we were told at 28 weeks that he could come at any time due to a VERY thin uterine segment. 

I am 36 weeks and 3 days now and I am ready for him to be born. 

I have gone through all the possibilities in my mind and made mental notes of how we will deal with all of the things that I have conjured up as possibilities. 

I have documents on the computer of how our other three children should be cared for. 

I have worked diligently to stay on top of the laundry, completing all of it at least every other day. 

I have meals in the freezer and the kids favorite snacks in the pantry. 

All of that to say, I am quite exhausted. 

Clearly I am physically weary but more than that, I am mentally and emotionally weary. 

Processing and planning for the "what-ifs" in life is draining. 

At this point I feel like it was all a waste of time and energy because he did not come at 

28 weeks or 29 or 30 or ... 

You get the idea. 

Now, if he were born, things would be very normal, most likely, because I am nearly "full term." 

A NICU stay would be short, if at all. 

And all of the other things I talked myself through will likely not even occur. 

We are thankful that God has seen fit to maintain this pregnancy to this point and I am doing my best to continue to focus on an attitude of thanksgiving. 

Especially in light of the answer I got to my question about WHEN the C-section will be scheduled. 

"39 weeks is when we will schedule you to deliver." 

As I sat there, stunned, I only nodded. 

39 weeks? 

Really? 

The past 8+ weeks all I have heard is that if I can make it to 37 

we are golden and now we are pushing that two more weeks? 

Seriously? 

The thing is that there are still major concerns for my health and the health of our baby. 

Meaning: with the uterus that thin in that section, a rupture is a very real possibility 

and so I am told "it is better to be safe than sorry" 

and to come in if I think I am contracting or there is blood or whatever. 

So, if you know me at all, and how sensitive I am to how I am feeling, 

you know that these types of directives only make me hyper-sensitive 

to e.v.e.r.y. kick, movement, tightening, pulling, tugging ... 

And now I am told that I can wait 2.5 more weeks until September 9. 

I left the appointment with the specialist and headed right into the appointment with our regular OB. 

I wanted to cry but held it together because the poor OB has seen my bawl my eyes out 

far too many times for someone who is not even related to me! 

He too was a bit surprised that the specialist ordered the C for 39 weeks with no leeway 

(38 weeks 5 days) but according to the law right now, 

39 weeks is the earliest a C can be scheduled unless there is a valid reason otherwise. 

I assumed the ultra-thin uterus was a valid reason, but apparently not. 

So, the delivery date in the books for this little guy is September 9. 

In the afternoon. 

"The afternoon?" you question. 

Yes, the afternoon. 

Samuel is scheduled to have tubes put in and his adenoids removed that morning. 

Is it crazy? 

Absolutely. 

I told the OB that our son is scheduled for surgery that morning and he didn't want to wait one day longer for the C-section so he asked if I could come in that afternoon, after we got Samuel home from his surgery. 

I agreed in the moment and have second- and third- and fourth-guessed myself since then. 

I keep thinking, "We have never made it to 39 weeks with a pregnancy so it will not even be an issue." 

And then I think, "I never thought we would make it to 36+ weeks with this pregnancy in light of the thinning uterus and here we sit, big belly and all." 

God has been doing a sanctifying work in me through it all, though, 

and for that I am thankful. 

Each day, better said, each moment, I am being reminded to ask Him for His will to be done in my life. 

My timetable looks so much better than what I cannot see, which is His timetable. 

My wise Venezuelan sister-in-law texted me yesterday this response after I told her I am praying my water breaks before the 9th, 

"Kristina, its better for us to pray that God's will continue to be done in your life. 

It looks like next week would be ideal in our limited minds, 

but God has control of everything and for sure the date He has planned is better." 

Talk about speaking the truth in love! 

I needed that VERY important and VERY accurate reminder that my mind is limited. 

God's mind is not. 

He has the perfect date set apart for this little guy's birth day and 

we will not be disappointed when we trust in Him and His timing. 

So, if you see me waddling around (I feel like a full-fledged duck), 

remind me to put on gratitude (it is one of the few things that still fits!) 

and to remember my mind is limited but God's is not. 

Camp Forest Springs Memorial Day Family Camp

Our weekend at CFS was another amazing memory-making weekend. 

We enjoyed ourselves so much. 

Hard workers

When its time for outside work to be done at our house, Pancho has plenty of help. 

I'm so thankful that our children are observing and participating in the work ethic of their papa. 

There isn't anyone I would rather have our boys emulate on this earth than Pancho. 

Soon, there'll be three little lawn mow-ers behind the big one, Lord willing.  

Happy Mother's Day

Very few things conjure up more joy than these four gifts. 

Being a mama has been the greatest blessing of my life.

Thank You, Lord, for Your goodness toward me in this regard. 

From Black and White to Pink or Blue

On Wednesday Pancho and I went to our first big ultrasound. 

With both Samuel and Joel we had so many ultrasounds, 

it was different to wait until 17 weeks for our first big one.

I was nervous, as was Pancho. 

Although we have walked this path before, it has proven to be a 

continual opportunity to trust our good God.

We asked the doctor to not share the gender with us as he entered the room. 

He looked things over and showed us the baby in 2D and 3D. 

It doesn't matter how many times you see it, 

a miracle is a miracle and a baby growing inside of a mama is an absolute miracle.

At the end of the ultrasound he took the envelope we provided 

and wrote down the sex of our 4th baby. 

He sealed it and handed it to us. 

We drove home and gave the envelope to a dear friend and cake-maker extraordinaire. 

She set out to create this masterpiece.

We invited some friends and family over for the reveal later that afternoon. 

The kids and I had a wonderful time decorating the house and making some special memories 

as we waited the big announcement.

4 pm finally arrived and the guests arrived too. 

We had dinner and then cut into the cake. 

We were very surprised by the inside of the cake. 

VERY. SURPRISED. 

Yet, it does not diminish our excitement and overwhelming sense of 

God's goodness towards our family.

We are thrilled to add one more BOY to the Duran family.

Praise the Lord with us as we rejoice in His perfect plan, perfect timing and perfect girl:boy ratio for us.

The ride of our lives

Are what we need and what we want mutually exclusive?
Not always.
The Lord has been teaching us that He always gives us what we need. Not necessarily what we want. However, there are times when what we need is also what we want. And then there are times when what we need becomes what we want.
This has been our story for as long as we can remember. Yet, in the past month plus, God has given us an intensive course in this area.
In January we discovered we are expecting another baby. It was never part of our plan to have another baby after Joel joined our family 18 months ago. Sure, we dreamed of a van full of children years ago; but after three LONG years of infertility and three devastating miscarriages, we were thrilled with three blessings: Katrina, Samuel and Joel.
Apparently, though, The Lord has other plans for our family. It appears that His plan includes filling yet another seat in our van.
Are we thrilled? Absolutely.
Are we surprised? Undoubtedly.
Are we fearful? Yes.
When we were pregnant with Joel I was SO fearful. I remember telling Pancho, "I never want to do this again. N.e.v.e.r." He agreed. Because of some high risk tendencies I have to take a pile of pills each day and get a blood thinner injection each evening.
The Lord has used pregnancy as a vehicle to draw me into a place of deep, deep trust and intimacy. I was so thankful for the 6 opportunities He offered to bring me to this place. But I never imagined He would offer one more "ride" if you will, in this vehicle.
When we saw the double lines on the pregnancy test, our minds and hearts raced to many places. One of the first for me was a conversation I had only 2.5 weeks earlier with a dear friend. I had shared with her that we had always dreamed of having more children but it was clear to us that God was going to use other means to reach us (me, in particular) about trust and fear. She said, "Well, if the Lord wants to work on that area in your life, maybe He will give you more children." I smiled and nodded, believing deep in my heart that the pregnancy vehicle was "out of commission."
You cannot imagine our surprise when we saw those lines appear.
"God gives us what we need, not what we want." This rang in my heart and head. For too long I have believed that these MUST be mutually exclusive. He has used this time to teach me so very much. I love word pictures (vehicle?) and I have always enjoyed the idea that we must keep our hands open, not cling tightly to anything so the Lord can do what He chooses with that which is in our lives. Never, though, have I thought about keeping my hands open so He can place into them what He chooses. This same friend shared this concept that morning in late December. It was a new twist on my open hands word picture and I began to pray that my heart would be prepared for whatever God would place into it take out of my hands as I kept them open (which is a VERY deliberate action for me).
Am I fearful He will "see fit" to take the baby? Yes. However, I am so overwhelmed with the grace and goodness He has extended to me during this 7th "ride" that I choose to trust that He will give me the grace to handle whatever He sees fit to do through this pregnancy.
So, here is an up-to-date family picture. We are 11 weeks along and the baby is the size of a lime!

Cedula Rigamorol

In Venezuela each resident is issued an identification card called a cedula de identidad. Pancho has had one since he was a child and every so often it needs to be renewed.
Pancho's card had expired and he decided that he would have enough time to get it renewed. So, Monday we all piled into the camioneta and headed to a place where these cedulas can be renewed. We got there and began to unload and before we were all out of the camioneta, word came about that this particular office was not open on Mondays.
Typical, we thought. Pancho said, "We will try tomorrow." Joel was furious! He had not even gotten out of the car and we were all getting back in!
Tuesday the kids and I stayed home while Pancho and his mom went. Tuesday they ran into other issues. They tried another location because Monday's spot had a huge line that appeared to not be moving. The new location said they only did cedulas on Mondays. Go figure!
Wednesday arrived and Pancho and his mom left again, with us staying home, and they found the note pictured below.
"We are not working today due to some operations issues. We don't know where you can get the cedula."
Pancho sent me the picture in a text message. All I could do was laugh. Right. Out. Loud.
This is how life works here. Either deal with it or deal with a lot of frustration.
Praise the Lord they heard of a place in another city where he could get it. They went and got the cedula immediately.
We wanted to share that story to give a tiny flavor for what things are like. It's not bad. It's simply different and learning how to take the limones and make them into a delicious limonada is critical!

Loefling

A few days back we decided to go to the local zoo. It is very different than Katrina anticipated, but we all enjoyed it, even the 2+ mile walk in 90 degree weather.
We saw many birds, cheetahs, an alligator and lots of monkeys on the loose. The scenery was breathtaking.

Centro de diversión

We have been to the "fun center" twice during this trip. It's a great indoor park with several bouncy houses and a very large McDonald's-like obstacle course structure, a carousel and a train. Like I said in an earlier post, this kind of thing for children is not lacking here.
The kids love it. It took Joel a bit to feel confident enough to run in the bouncy houses, but once he figured out that he had to balance a bit more, he was set.
Sorry for some blur to the pics. Trying to catch the kids in action is tough with the iPhone!

Horseback riding

We went horseback riding today. Well, Katrina rode. Samuel has been talking about horseback riding for months and when we got there, he froze. He refused to ride, touch or even get close to the horses.
Katrina had a great time riding Rosalinda.