Long over-due (the post, not me!)

I will start by apologizing for not letting you know this news sooner. 

Once you read the news, I am hopeful you will understand why it has taken me almost 24 hours to process...

Yesterday I had my final ultrasound for this pregnancy and things are still looking the same. 

At the end the specialist said, "Everything looks decent." 

"Decent" is not really a word you like to hear during a medical exam, but, you take what you get, right? 

I asked, "Does the uterus look good?" 

He said, "Good? NO! But it looks the same, it has not thinned any more." 

To me, that is "good." God has maintained the thickness of 2-3 mm for 8+ weeks. 

That is a miracle with a growing baby boy in there who moves like his older two brothers already! 

Next I asked when he would schedule the c-section. 

I have been mentally and physically preparing for this little guy's arrival since we were told at 28 weeks that he could come at any time due to a VERY thin uterine segment. 

I am 36 weeks and 3 days now and I am ready for him to be born. 

I have gone through all the possibilities in my mind and made mental notes of how we will deal with all of the things that I have conjured up as possibilities. 

I have documents on the computer of how our other three children should be cared for. 

I have worked diligently to stay on top of the laundry, completing all of it at least every other day. 

I have meals in the freezer and the kids favorite snacks in the pantry. 

All of that to say, I am quite exhausted. 

Clearly I am physically weary but more than that, I am mentally and emotionally weary. 

Processing and planning for the "what-ifs" in life is draining. 

At this point I feel like it was all a waste of time and energy because he did not come at 

28 weeks or 29 or 30 or ... 

You get the idea. 

Now, if he were born, things would be very normal, most likely, because I am nearly "full term." 

A NICU stay would be short, if at all. 

And all of the other things I talked myself through will likely not even occur. 

We are thankful that God has seen fit to maintain this pregnancy to this point and I am doing my best to continue to focus on an attitude of thanksgiving. 

Especially in light of the answer I got to my question about WHEN the C-section will be scheduled. 

"39 weeks is when we will schedule you to deliver." 

As I sat there, stunned, I only nodded. 

39 weeks? 

Really? 

The past 8+ weeks all I have heard is that if I can make it to 37 

we are golden and now we are pushing that two more weeks? 

Seriously? 

The thing is that there are still major concerns for my health and the health of our baby. 

Meaning: with the uterus that thin in that section, a rupture is a very real possibility 

and so I am told "it is better to be safe than sorry" 

and to come in if I think I am contracting or there is blood or whatever. 

So, if you know me at all, and how sensitive I am to how I am feeling, 

you know that these types of directives only make me hyper-sensitive 

to e.v.e.r.y. kick, movement, tightening, pulling, tugging ... 

And now I am told that I can wait 2.5 more weeks until September 9. 

I left the appointment with the specialist and headed right into the appointment with our regular OB. 

I wanted to cry but held it together because the poor OB has seen my bawl my eyes out 

far too many times for someone who is not even related to me! 

He too was a bit surprised that the specialist ordered the C for 39 weeks with no leeway 

(38 weeks 5 days) but according to the law right now, 

39 weeks is the earliest a C can be scheduled unless there is a valid reason otherwise. 

I assumed the ultra-thin uterus was a valid reason, but apparently not. 

So, the delivery date in the books for this little guy is September 9. 

In the afternoon. 

"The afternoon?" you question. 

Yes, the afternoon. 

Samuel is scheduled to have tubes put in and his adenoids removed that morning. 

Is it crazy? 

Absolutely. 

I told the OB that our son is scheduled for surgery that morning and he didn't want to wait one day longer for the C-section so he asked if I could come in that afternoon, after we got Samuel home from his surgery. 

I agreed in the moment and have second- and third- and fourth-guessed myself since then. 

I keep thinking, "We have never made it to 39 weeks with a pregnancy so it will not even be an issue." 

And then I think, "I never thought we would make it to 36+ weeks with this pregnancy in light of the thinning uterus and here we sit, big belly and all." 

God has been doing a sanctifying work in me through it all, though, 

and for that I am thankful. 

Each day, better said, each moment, I am being reminded to ask Him for His will to be done in my life. 

My timetable looks so much better than what I cannot see, which is His timetable. 

My wise Venezuelan sister-in-law texted me yesterday this response after I told her I am praying my water breaks before the 9th, 

"Kristina, its better for us to pray that God's will continue to be done in your life. 

It looks like next week would be ideal in our limited minds, 

but God has control of everything and for sure the date He has planned is better." 

Talk about speaking the truth in love! 

I needed that VERY important and VERY accurate reminder that my mind is limited. 

God's mind is not. 

He has the perfect date set apart for this little guy's birth day and 

we will not be disappointed when we trust in Him and His timing. 

So, if you see me waddling around (I feel like a full-fledged duck), 

remind me to put on gratitude (it is one of the few things that still fits!) 

and to remember my mind is limited but God's is not.