One Final Birthday Surprise

In October when we moved into our new house my cousin (who is our insurance guy) mentioned that his daughter, Andrea, has some horses and if we ever wanted to come out and see them to just give him a hollar.

Well, I tucked that information into the back of my mind and when I started to consider what to do for Katrina's 4th birthday, that file came to mind. I sent him an email and we put together a plan.

This morning Katrina and I loaded up in the van and set off on one last birthday surprise adventure. We stopped first at her best friend's house. I had a little present for Katrina and Taylor.

Matching horse t-shirts. The shirts say "Girls Best Friend." I thought it was definitely appropriate and even dual purpose!

I loaded up both girls into the van and before we set off, Katrina opened her gift from Taylor.

Taylor knows her best friend well... A princess book and dress-up kit along with some nail polish.

Thank you, Taylor! You are the best friend a girl could ask for.

We drove to my cousin's and this is the girls on the path from the house to the stable.

In the stable the girls met Shanti, the pure bred quarter horse, and Andrea (orange hat) and Rebecca, Jim's wife and Andrea's mom.

The girls watched Andrea get Shanti ready for riding.

She brushed her and cleaned her shoes.

Then we walked Shanti to the riding arena where Jim was with Ebony, an appaloosa.

We watched as Jim and Andrea lunged the horses (got them ready for riding and showing).

We were all extremely impressed at how well-trained both horses are.

Then, it was time for Katrina to ride.
She was over-the-top excited, as the picture of her in her riding helmet (AKA bike helmet) demonstrates.

Andrea walked Katrina around the arena for at least 30 to 45 minutes.

Katrina was on cloud nine. The smile did not leave her face!

Taylor was a bit leary to ride the horses or even sit on them today but she did like petting Ebony and Ebony gave her some snuggles too. Later she fed Shanti a treat (upper left).

We took Ebony and Shanti back to the heated stable where the girls wanted to show the horses their horse shirts.

Jim took the girls into the trailer and showed them Andrea's dressing room and the clothes she wears for showing the horses. Katrina really liked the doll horse that Andrea uses to study the parts of a horse.

We went back into the arena and Andrea showed us how to ride English-style. Before they were riding Western-style.

Katrina sat on Shanti with the English saddle.

We took Shanti back to her stall in the stable and Jim showed the girls how to feed them a treat.

Both girls fed Shanti a treat before we left.

I had two more surprises for the girls: lunch and McDonalds and a frame to decorate with horse paraphernalia to put a picture from the day into.

I think it was a really special day for both Katrina and Taylor.

I know I had fun!

Thank you Jim, Rebecca and Andrea for taking the time to show us the horses and to let us ride.
It is something we will never forget!

More Birthday Celebrations

Grandpa and Nana came last night with a birthday cake and ice cream and some gifts for the birthday girl.
I was going to try to make a cake.
But, I realized I would be out of my mind to try to make a cake with all that I have going on.
Thankfully, my mom saved the day yet again with the offer for cake and ice cream for dessert.
Of course, when left to the birthday girl to decide, we did gifts first.
Nana has a long-standing tradition of giving Katrina pajamas and she always finds the best pajamas for her little girl.
This time around, pink princess pajamas.
And of course, another princess dress-up gown.
Thank you, Grandpa and Nana!

Singing happy birthday.

And at the end of the day, Katrina was worn right out.

Happy 4th Birthday, Katrina

Katrina is 4 year old today.
She woke up and we reminded her today was her big day.
She ran into her room and put on her birthday girl dress (upper right picture).
Then we gave her a present.
Because she loves clothes and pink, it is easy to shop for her.
As I am sure you already guessed...
She wanted to wear her new outfit.

She and I headed out for a morning together.
We went to IHOP for breakfast.
Her best friend happened to be having breakfast at IHOP too!
It was a sweet surprise for our little princess.

After pancakes and crepes (you can guess who ate what!), we went to Clay Corner downtown.
Katrina spent quite a bit of time scouring the shelves, looking for something to paint.
She had several ideas but I encouraged her to pick something like a plate or a bowl that would be useful (and easy to paint).

We finished our projects and Marty took our picture.
It was a memory-filled morning.
Katrina,
When we found out God was blessing us with a biological child we were overjoyed.
We had prayed and fasted for a child and were expecting God to bring us a baby through adoption.
He had another plan and He gave us you, in my belly.
Four years ago today my water broke and you were ready to join our family.
Since the moment we saw you our hearts have not stopped overflowing with love.
Even today, four years later, when I put you to bed at night my heart swells with love for the blessing that you are in our lives.
This year we are most thankful that you have chosen to accept God's free gift of salvation for yourself. In December you made a decision to give Jesus your heart and that is what we have prayed for since we knew you were growing in my belly. Now we are praying that each day you will grow in your love and devotion to Jesus.
We love you mas que nunca, Katrin-ita.
Happy 4th birthday.
We hope you have a wonderful day!

Beautiful Scene

If you walked into room 445 at St. Clare's right now you would see a beautiful scene.
You would see Pancho in the bed reading.
Doesn't sound beautiful to you?
Well, believe me.
It is.
Pancho is not on oxygen.
Pancho walked to his hospital room today for his out-patient IV infusion.
Pancho brought a textbook to read during the infusion.
Pancho is smiling.
Pancho is getting better!
Praise the Lord with us. Pancho is on the road to recovery and it is apparent. He is making some really good steps in the right direction and we are all praising the Lord for His perfect timing.
To me, and to those who have joined us on this so far 16-day journey, this is a beautiful scene.

Reinforcements have arrived

Wednesday evening Pancho Sr. and Emelys, Pancho's parents, arrived at CWA.
We are all thrilled that they are here.
They have been an incredible help already in the less than 48 hours that they have been home with us.
Gracias, Abuelo and Abuela, por venir. Los amamos tanto.

I will be here

Tomorrow morning if you wake up and the sun does not appear

I will be here

If in the dark, we lose sight of love

Hold my hand, and have no fear

'Cause I will be here

I will be here

When you feel like being quiet

When you need to speak your mindI will listen

And I will be here

When the laughter turns to cryin'

Through the winning, losing and trying

We'll be together

I will be here

Tomorrow morning, if you wake up

And the future is unclear

I will be here

Just as sure as seasons were made for change

Our lifetimes were made for years

So I will be here

I will be here

And you can cry on my shoulder

When the mirror tells us we're older

I will hold you

And I will be here

To watch you grow in beauty

And tell you all the things you are to me

I will be here

I will be true to the promise I have made

To you and to the One who gave you to me

Tomorrow morning, if you wake up

And the sun does not appear

I will be here

Oh, I will be here

Have you heard this song?

This is one of the songs we had in our wedding.

Today Pancho called me into the bedroom. I had been playing with Katrina in her room. Samuel was napping.

I went in to our room to see what he needed. He asked me to please rub his head. (He loves to have his head rubbed)

I sat down to rub his head and I was thinking as I sat there, "I have so many things to do. I have to fold the laundry. I have to think about lunch. I have to clean the bathrooms. I have to..." And as I was sitting there thinking of everything I have to do, this song came on the ipod.

I listened the the words and remembered it playing at our wedding and I started to think, "Instead of thinking of all the things I have to do, I will be here." That is what I vowed to Pancho 8 and 1/2 years ago. "I will be here."

And here I am. He wants me to be here with him. He doesn't care about the laundry, the meals, the cleanliness of the bathrooms. He wants me here.

Over the years of our marriage I have learned many lessons. One though, that God has pointed out to me time and time again, is this:

In my mind, a good wife is one who maintains a clean house, has meals ready at meal times, has things in order when her husband comes home, knows what she is going to make for dinner the day-after-tomorrow, has ingredients for special treats to whip up on a moment's notice, whose husband's clothes are always folded and ironed and ready to be worn...

In Pancho's mind, a good wife is other things. I won't get into details about what those other things are, but I will say that I have had to force myself into a paradigm shift. I have had to, many times, lay down what I feel is important as a good wife to do what he feels is important. The reality is that he is the one who will be the "judge" so to speak, about my wifehood, right? Not me.

Here I am again, learning this lesson. Some may think that it was a coincidence that "I Will Be Here" was playing right after I sat down to rub Pancho's head like he asked. But you know what I think? I think God had that timed out just for me, as a little reminder of what He is calling me to do for Pancho these days.

Be here.

Be here, Kristina.

Be here for Pancho. He wants you here. He doesn't want you washing his sheets and he doesn't want you cleaning his bathroom. He wants you here.

Oh, and you know why I have re-visited this lesson SO many times over the years? Because I need the reminders. My flesh reverts back to doing instead of being unless I get frequent reminders.

Thank you, Lord, again for yet another reminder!

Selfish?

Today I went to baby buddies with Katrina and Samuel. My dad came to the house to be with Pancho while we were gone for almost 2 and 1/2 hours.

It was a rat-race to get out of the house with two kids around 9. I had forgotten how hard that is since I have not gone anywhere with them for nearly two weeks.

I was feeling a bit selfish for wanting to go to baby buddies with the kids. In my mind I was justifying us going by saying, "The kids really need to go. They need to be back in their normal routine. It will be so good for them to see their friends and have some room to run and play."

Pancho didn't have an issue with us going but I was feeling like I was being selfish because although I wanted to go for the kids. I wanted to go for myself too.

Well, am I glad I did! Just being there and feeling like my life was normal again for two hours made such a difference. I talked with my friends and chased after Samuel and Katrina. When we came back home I found my attitude with Pancho so much cheerier (is that a word?) and I had more bounce in my step when one of the kids needed something. Energized and rejuvenated.

So, chalk it up as one more thing I have learned on this journey...

Taking care of me is not selfish. It is essential in me being able to take better care of Pancho and the kids.

Thank you, God, for yet another lesson during this time.

Waiting

Isaiah 40:31
They that wait upon the Lord
Shall renew their strength
They will mount up on wings as eagles
They will run and not grow weary
They will walk and not be faint
We were admitted into the hospital on February 10th. Since then we have been waiting for something.
We waited for the x-ray results.
We waited for the sputum culture to come back.
We waited for the first oral anti-fungal to take effect.
We waited for the first itra-venous anti-fungal to take effect.
We waited for another sputum culture to come back.
We waited for the go-ahead to leave the critical care unit to move to "the floor."
We waited for the doctors to do their rounds.
We waited for the doctors to say we could go home.
Each time we waited for something different I would think to myself, "As soon as this happens I can rest."

Now we are home and we are waiting again. Waiting for various things.

Waiting for the out-patient IV treatments to be over.

Waiting for the blood work results.

Waiting for Pancho to feel better.

Again, I keep thinking, "As soon as that happens I can rest."

On Friday my dear friend Suzanne came to Marshfield to visit us. She and I had a chance to talk and she reminded me, without me even bringing up these thoughts about waiting, that what we are called to wait for is the Lord.
When we wait on Him, and only on Him, we will have our strength renewed.
When we wait on Him, and only on Him, we will mount up on wings like eagles.
When we wait on Him, and only on Him, we will run and not grow weary.
When we wait on Him, and only on Him, we will walk and not faint.
Those are powerful words.Those are encouraging words.
Especially for me at this time. We are home and we are so thankful to be fighting this infection from our home. And yet, my workload has at least tripled upon coming home. I now have the kids and the house and I still have Pancho and myself to care for. Please don't perceive this as a complaint because it is not. It is just hard and I find myself waiting for things that are not going to renew my strength and I need to remember constantly that I am called to wait on the Lord.
What are you waiting for?
Are you finding that it comes and goes and you don't really feel your strength being renewed?
Maybe you need to focus on waiting on the Lord like me!

Good-bye

Here are some views that we are not sad to say good-bye to...

We are so thankful to be saying good-bye to the hallway and to Pancho's room.

I am also excited to be waving so long to my bedroom and my shower.

And this is the view that we look forward to seeing at about 6:00 this afternoon when Pancho is discharged from St. Joseph's Hospital in Marshfield, WI.
Pancho is being released today after his final in-patient amphotericin administration. He had a PICC (peripherally inserted central catheter AKA portable iv) placed this afternoon in the bicep of his right arm. He will be getting out-patient treatments at St. Clare's Hospital. The orders are written to receive 10 days worth but the doctor said he will decide if he needs more or less based on his lab work, which will also be done daily.
We are so thankful for this wonderful news. We were both at the point of exhaustion on so many levels. We truly believe the Lord has perfect timing and there have been times in our lives when we have felt like now is the time for some relief and it has not been the time for some relief. And then when the time comes we realize that we were wrong earlier.
We are experiencing that again.
So many times in this nearly 10 day journey we have thought, "Now is the time. We cannot take it any longer. We have to hear something positive now." But, God knew that today was the day for us. The day we needed to hear it. Not yesterday. Not tomorrow. But today. So, today is the day we will go home and be together as a family of four again.
We have a long road ahead. And yet, we are confident that God has that all worked out as well.
Please praise the Lord with us that God always knows when today is the day.

In sickness and in health

My aunt emailed me a few days back with some very encouraging words. She reminded me that I am standing with Pancho "in sickness and in health." Those words struck me. Then, early this evening I received an email from a dear college friend who said she was so proud of me for my "devotion to my husband and his needs right now." She said she was proud of me for putting his needs first. Her words also struck me.

My whole life I have dreamed of being a wife and a mama. When I was just a little girl I remember playing house and my husband would be at work and I would be home with the children, fulfilling my responsibility as their mama. I played that pretend game until I was in junior high school (and I am not even kidding!).

Then, I became a wife and I enjoyed it. I love cooking and cleaning and laundry and all that is involved with being a wife. In my mind those were/are the characteristics of a good wife.

After nearly five years of marriage God blessed us with Katrina and I absolutely fell in love with the role of mama. It was like I was born and bred to be a mama. It came so naturally to me and those characteristics that I thought made me a good wife were perfect for motherhood as well. I needed to cook and clean and do laundry, and now with a daughter, I had to do those things even more. And, on top of those things that I already enjoyed, I was able to demonstrate a mama's love to our daughter and that was/is such a fulfilling experience.

Three years after Katrina God gave us Samuel and again my mothering surged. I have loved being a mother more than anything else I have ever done and I feel like I am really good at it.

Well, right now I am sitting in a hospital room with my husband and our children are 50 miles away. For the second night in a row. And we have not seen them since Monday. And I am feeling heart-broken. I miss them more than words can express and my heart physically aches because I long to hold them and hug them and snuggle them tonight.

And as I experience all of those emotions, I am reminded of the emails from both my aunt and my dear college friend...

"in sickness and in health"

"devotion to your husband and his needs right now and putting his needs first"

Just this morning I wrote a post about God doing as He sees fit to do and that through trials and these hard circumstances we learn more and understand more of His character. I wrote that we have learned that we will not necessarily have a trial lifted when we learn what we are supposed to learn from it and yet I cannot help but think that I may have stumbled upon something I am supposed to learn from this experience (and if God chooses to change the experience drastically tomorrow we will be thrilled and yet if He doesn't we will be thrilled to have come to this realization). I wonder if maybe, just maybe, God is giving me this time to practice putting Pancho and his needs first. I wonder if this is a gift from God to show me that my husband is my number 2 priority (Jesus is my number 1) and He is giving me some time to make it a habit. You know, they say that in order for something to be a habit you need to work on it consecutively for a long time. Pancho was admitted to the hospital one week ago this evening.

I wonder...

As I quickly scarfed down my Subway pizza dinner tonight in the guest lounge on the 6th floor of St. Joseph's Hospital I thought about all of this and though my heart was heavy, missing my Katrin-ita and my Samuel-ito, I was able to give thanks to the Lord for such a time as this, that He is providing for me to practice making Pancho my number 2 and Him my number 1.