Some of you might be aware that I suffer a bit from obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). It has never been officially diagnosed, but I will give you just three examples of why I think it is a big weakness of mine...
- I put Christmas gifts away the same day we receive them.
- I canNOT leave the house if the beds are not made and there are dishes in the sink.
- In our dishwasher in the silverware compartment, there is a spot for teaspoons, tablespoons, salad/dessert forks, dinner forks, knives and then three for miscellaneous.
OK. So, now you have a better picture of where I am coming from.
I also enjoy having activities for Katrina almost every day of the week. On Mondays right now we are signed up for gymnastics. Every other Tuesday we have baby buddies. Wednesdays now we go to Power Hour and on Thursdays we have Bible study and preschool pals. Fridays are typically filled with play dates. When I just had Katrina and even when I was pregnant with Samuel it was not problematic to get up, get dressed, get the house picked up from breakfast and the like and get out the door by 9:00 or before.
Now it is next to IMPOSSIBLE! Because of this I have seen myself become someone I do NOT want to be. I have begun to hear myself say things to Katrina that I don't want to say. Things like, "Hurry up, Katrina. We are going to be late." I know, I know. In and of itself saying "hurry up" is not bad, yet repeatedly blaming your 3 year old for our tardiness is not ok.
Yesterday when I got to Bible study I was totally frazzled. I couldn't figure out why. As I sat there and listened to Betsy Corning share her heart (via DVD!) I began to sense what the Lord was trying to teach me.
"Slow down, Kristina. Give up your ideal of having the house in tip-top shape EVERY time you step out the door. Instead, have your heart and your relationship with Me and Pancho and Katrina and Samuel in tip-top condition. Let go of those things that will have no eternal value. Things like sorting silverware, making the beds without wrinkles. Make Me your only priority and everything else will fall into place."
From that moment on I have been purposing in my heart to be the mama God intended me to be. A dear friend had a heart-to-heart with me about two weeks ago and she shared with me that she knows someone who is trying to be a mama and home school and keep her house like I was trying to keep mine and it was driving her mad. She was realizing how miserable she felt. Those words really struck a chord in my heart. As I allowed the Lord to work on that area and point out to me what He would have me do, I came to this conclusion.
Feel free to ask me frequently how I am doing. I need some accountability. I did well today. Today I invited some dear friends to come over here and then I played with Katrina instead of vacuuming the kitchen floor before they came. I made the beds, but I also helped Katrina get dressed instead of telling her, "Katrina, get your clothes on yourself, you know how to do it and I am not going to help you. I have to get myself and Samuel dressed. And hurry up!"
Hello dear Kristina! Love the new look for your blog!! So cheerful and inviting!
ReplyDeleteThat little boy of yours is sure adorable...me thinks he looks a lot like his older sis. I liked this post. I think motherhood has a lot to teach us about ourselves, huh. Or rather the Lord uses motherhood to teach us! It is good to read what you wrote above about learning to accept less-than-perfection in your daily life. It's hard for me, too -- I always secretly envy women who can somehow come off as perfectly relaxed when company's over and their house is full of kid-clutter. Often that is a stressful situation for me and I am constantly reminding myself inwardly that it doesn't matter.
Having a perfect house really doesn't matter, does it? "Matter" in terms of what's gonna be left when we reach eternity. I think about how I can spend so much energy on that goal of perfection in my house but it isn't what I want to live for, when I stop and actually think.
I will pray for you about this. :) Much love!!! So happy for you and all the blessings of your little family!
wow ... separate silverware compartments ... you're intense! hA :) just joking around with you. i TOTALLY completely 100% hear you on this. it is something i struggle with on a daily basis as well. you've challenged me to try to cut out the 'hurry ups'. that could be a tough one :) keep me updated on how it's going!
ReplyDeletei hear you! it's easy to write it all off as just what frazzled moms say to their kid - and i think i say it about 10 times every morning as we are getting out the door for school. i tell myself it will get better once my kids learn to read a clock :) but i know that in the mean time i could just chill out and we'd probably have a better morning :)
ReplyDeletegood luck & thanks for the challenge!
ps - love the darius song you mentioned on sarah's blog. i love darius and i'm glad he's back. i miss the good old hootie & the blowfish days :)
Kristina, This is a wonderful post!! Even though I am not a mother yet, it is very encouraging to me. I think it applies to so many areas of our life. I like how you said the most important thing is your relationship with Him. I appreciate your thoughts and thanks for posting this. As we talked about on Friday at the Log Cabin, I think it is refreshing to hear that christians are not perfect and don't have it all figured out. We should all be there to build each other up and should not be afraid to ask for support. We love you and will be praying for you!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Leanne
Kristina,
ReplyDeleteI can't tell you what a blessing this post is to me because I am also guilty of being so anal that it can put my relationships in jeopardy. It finally hit me yesterday that I haven't been enjoying my limited time with the baby during my maternity leave because I stress about having the apartment neat and tidy. Now that I only have ONE day left, it's finally hit me and I am sad about all the time I wasted. I will pray for you and keep up the good work. You are an example to me of what a mom should be!
Kristina,
ReplyDeleteI am glad the HS is convicting you of this. Just keep on giving it to the Lord. I have found myself saying things like that to one of my boys when they were little. I too hate leaving the house messy at all cuz I always have these visions of returning home totally exhausted and to a messy house to boot and how depressing that would be. I will pray for you.
blessings!