- It's all over but the screaming and the shouting (a favorite saying during my growing up years)
- A new twist on "wet nurse"
- We hung it up
- Bottles from here on out
All of these titles and this picture should clue you in to the fact that Samuel is no longer nursing. This evening will make one full week that he has not nursed.
Yes, I am sad.
No, I am not angry, anymore.
It boils down to this, it was not my decision. Samuel decided that he was not going to nurse anymore. I have various speculations as to why, which I won't go into, but when it comes down to it, it doesn't really matter why. It is over. He made a choice and in this area he has the right to make an executive decision. I did my best to offer him "the goods" in every possible fashion and he refused.
So, now we are bottle feeding. I am still pumping and will continue to do so as much as I can. From various sources I have researched, I would have to pump 2x as often as Samuel eats in order to maintain my supply for a lengthy duration. Needless to say, I am unable to do that!
But, I must admit, over time I have found some benefits to bottle feeding...
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It takes Samuel 10 minutes to eat 6 ounces (it took about 40 minutes minimum for him to nurse).
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I can give Samuel a bottle ANYWHERE without considering who is present, where we are, what I am wearing (not all shirts/outfits are conducive to nursing as some of you I am sure are aware!).
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Other people can help feed Samuel. Other people including Panchito (who fed him yesterday morning before church while I pumped so we could get to church at a reasonable hour!), Katrina (who loves to mother her little brother), my mom (who is a grandma and enough said!).
These benefits seem small compared to the benefits of nursing, but I am not going to focus on those benefits anymore. I can't. It is over and with the help of my Savior, I have come to accept it. It is the first of probably 1000s of times I will feel less needed by my babies. But, like my mom told me, when I was sobbing on the phone with her late last week, "You still need me don't you? And you are 31. He will always need you, Kristina."
He will always need me and that is a comfort I hold onto as I sit down to feed him now, with a bottle. .
Kristina, I loved this post. I think that your Mom is so right!! I need my Mom so much now it's crazy...and, obviously, you need yours, too. The other day Korey fed Hailey with a bottle, just for fun, because he was feeling like he missed her all day and wanted some daddy snuggle time, so I'm sure that Panchito and Kristina are more than happy to help with that!! (and I know that my Mom wishes that I would bottle feed hailey so that she could help with that!!) so, maybe it's a good thing that I don't all the time- I might never get to hold her again!! You have a wonderful attitude. Samuel is lucky to have you as a mom!
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