14 weeks

 

Heartwarming

 

 

Is there anything that warms your heart more?

Today we were taking Pancho his lunch at work and Samuel was VERY upset. He was screaming and unbeknownst to me Katrina took his hand to comfort him. Well, on our way to my parents house both children fell asleep.

When I opened the van door I saw this most precious sight and simply had to photograph it.

I loved being the mom of one. I adored it. But, being the mom of two is even better!

Thank you, God, for blessing our family with two beautiful children whom we love and who love one another.

 

As I thought about all the different ways to title this post, I had quite a few ideas...

• It's all over but the screaming and the shouting (a favorite saying during my growing up years)
• A new twist on "wet nurse"
• We hung it up
• Bottles from here on out

All of these titles and this picture should clue you in to the fact that Samuel is no longer nursing. This evening will make one full week that he has not nursed.

Yes, I am sad.

No, I am not angry, anymore.

It boils down to this, it was not my decision. Samuel decided that he was not going to nurse anymore. I have various speculations as to why, which I won't go into, but when it comes down to it, it doesn't really matter why. It is over. He made a choice and in this area he has the right to make an executive decision. I did my best to offer him "the goods" in every possible fashion and he refused.

So, now we are bottle feeding. I am still pumping and will continue to do so as much as I can. From various sources I have researched, I would have to pump 2x as often as Samuel eats in order to maintain my supply for a lengthy duration. Needless to say, I am unable to do that!

But, I must admit, over time I have found some benefits to bottle feeding...

• It takes Samuel 10 minutes to eat 6 ounces (it took about 40 minutes minimum for him to nurse).

• I can give Samuel a bottle ANYWHERE without considering who is present, where we are, what I am wearing (not all shirts/outfits are conducive to nursing as some of you I am sure are aware!).

• Other people can help feed Samuel. Other people including Panchito (who fed him yesterday morning before church while I pumped so we could get to church at a reasonable hour!), Katrina (who loves to mother her little brother), my mom (who is a grandma and enough said!).

These benefits seem small compared to the benefits of nursing, but I am not going to focus on those benefits anymore. I can't. It is over and with the help of my Savior, I have come to accept it. It is the first of probably 1000s of times I will feel less needed by my babies. But, like my mom told me, when I was sobbing on the phone with her late last week, "You still need me don't you? And you are 31. He will always need you, Kristina."

He will always need me and that is a comfort I hold onto as I sit down to feed him now, with a bottle. .

In the blink of an eye

 

In the blink of an eye Samuel has outgrown the outfit he wore home from the hospital. The knee patches are on his thighs! He has filled out the tummy area also. My little baby boy is growing up.

I have been quite sad the last few days... It appears as if Samuel is deciding to wean himself from nursing.

I know, I know, it is super early and it doesn't seem possible but I think it is really happening. It started about three weeks ago. Samuel started having a hard time sleeping at night and he began to not want to nurse. At the beginning I was able to give him one ounce in a bottle and then switch him over and he nursed on both sides just fine. After three days I put the two together and decided to give the doctor a call. I took him in for an appointment and it turned out he had nasal pharyngitis (basically a cold with lots of nasal mucus). So, the doctor said that he was probably experiencing some pain in his inner ear and that was causing him to not sleep or nurse well. He put him on amoxicillin and told me to wait at least 48 hours to see a difference. After 48 hours Samuel was beginning to sleep better and nurse better so I figured we were on the way out of the illness.

But, then that night he had a hard time again with both and after a few more days I called the doctor and he said that some children have an immunity to amoxicillin and he put him on augmentin. Again we were told to wait 48 hours to see a difference. We waited and saw a difference during the night first and then he went back to nursing 100%. I was thrilled. I thought we were on our way out again.

But, Friday night, after two whole days of perfect nursing, Samuel started giving me trouble again. When I say giving me trouble what I am referring to is arching when I try to get him to latch on, screaming, crying and kicking. I went back to trying with the bottle first and that worked some times, but eventually it wasn't working more often than it was. If he would get latched on I would do EVERYTHING possible to maintain the "latch." Katrina got shushed, I wouldn't move a muscle, I wouldn't cut him off, I wouldn't switch sides, I just kept nursing and nursing and nursing, letting him stay latched on as long as he would.

Well, today it is Monday and we have had two days of almost no nursing at all. I keep trying every feeding and I offer many times throughout the feeding. It is EXTREMELY frustrating and emotionally exhausting. Every time I am hopeful that he will latch on and almost every time my hopes are dashed as he arches and pushes me away.

I called the doctor and he is recommending that I keep trying as long as I can and then if it looks like he is not going to go back to nursing that I make a decision and quit. I can keep pumping and give him that milk or I can slowly stop and give him formula. I am not sure what I will do. I do want to try to pump for as long as I can, but that is hard for many reasons. It is hard to find time to pump and feed. It is also emotionally painful to pump as it is a constant reminder that I am no longer nursing.

I am doing my best to be thankful for a healthy baby boy who is such a joy in our lives. But, right now I am simply grieving the loss of anticipated time cuddling with my baby while he nursed. Bottle feeding feels so much more "sterile" and I am trying to get over that. I think I might snuggle him in really close when I bottle feed him so it feels like nursing. I know it wont be the same, but it will be better than what I have been doing and that is laying him on the boppy and feeding him that way. It is not as intimate that way, you know?

I appreciate your prayers and if you have suggestions, I will take those too. I might not do them, but I am open to hearing your opinions. I guess I feel like in the end, he is our baby and we know what is best for him.

It all comes down to this: He is getting too big too fast and I am not ready.

13 weeks

Hey! I am 13 weeks now!

And Mama says I am cuter than ever!

 

 

 

Brotherly/Sisterly Love

 

 

 

Katrina and Samuel are really beginning to enjoy one another. Katrina talks silly gibberish to Samuel and he smiles and coos. There are few other things that warm my heart more these days than to hear them interacting.

Take me out to the ball game

 

The weather has (I should say "had" as I heard this morning that we are expecting flurries tonight!) been so nice here the past few days. We have spent quite a bit of time outside and because it was so sunny, I pulled out Samuel's hat.

Doesn't he look absolutely adorable in this hat? I know it is too big, in fact, WAY too big, but that makes it even cuter, I think.

 

 

 

 

3 months and what you can do...

3 months already and what he is up to...

You are cuter than ever!

You have a routine of eat, play, sleep and are eating now every 3 1/2 to 4 hours.

You are sleeping through the night again after a couple of weeks of rough nights as you were dealing with nasal pharyngitis.

Friday night you rolled over for the first time from your belly to your back. You were SUPER scared and started screaming. You have not rolled since, but we are sure you will again soon!

You are still in size 1 diapers and weigh 11 1/2 pounds. You are wearing 3 month clothes.

You now take a pacifier for sleep time.

You are such an incredible baby and are growing WAY too fast. We are more and more in love with you each day and cannot wait to see what the next month holds.

Exer-Saucer Time

Katrina LOVES looking at pictures of herself in Picasa. It is something we do frequently. As I was looking through pictures of Katrina when she was Samuel's age, I realized that we had put her in the exer-saucer at this age. So, yesterday we pulled the exer-saucer out of storage and Samuel had a run at it.

Here is Katrina at 12 weeks in the exer-saucer.

Here is Samuel.

They are definitely siblings! But, they have some distinct features too. What do you think they are?

Samuel enjoys time in the exer-saucer but it must be limited. It is work for him to hold himself upright. I do have a blanket in the back to give him more support, but it will take some time, I am sure, to build up more and more muscles in order to spend more time in there.

He is getting so big so quickly!

 

 

 

Who is who?

*updated*

 

Samuel

 

Katrina

Do you who is who?

One of these is Katrina and the other is Samuel.

Let me know your guess, please! I will let you know later this week who is who! Were you right?

* I tried to get Samuel to imitate Katrina's expression but it was not happening. I will try again soon.