Have you heard that song by Queen, "We Are the Champions"? I only know it because I used to love Mighty Ducks and the song plays in that movie at least one time.
Well, I have had that song on my mind lately...
"I've paid my dues
Time after time
I've done my sentence
But committed no crime"
I feel like that. Again.
When we were having the miscarriages I remember thinking that after the first one we should not have any more because we had already "paid our dues" to the miscarriage club.
Then we had another miscarriage. I thought, "Um, God, did you not receive the statement with our name on it saying we paid?"
So, we dealt with the second loss. Surely we would not have another miscarriage.
And then the third one happened.
I was so confused and hurt and frustrated with the Lord. I remember literally crying out to Him with the words, "I have paid my dues to the miscarriage club. What is the deal here, God?"
He taught me so many things through those miscarriages and for that I can honestly say I am thankful. Don't get me wrong, they were excruciatingly painful (not necessarily physically) but the understanding we gained about God's faithfulness and character far outweigh the pain we experienced during those losses.
Well, back to today. I was reading a blog that I follow about a woman who is currently pregnant and experiencing quite a bit of pain in this pregnancy. She lost her last baby 2.5 hours after she was born. In her most recent blog post she asked for prayer for the pain, etc.
I sat in the critical care room with Pancho and began to pray for her. My prayer started out, "God, please alleviate the pain my blog friend is experiencing. God, she has gone through so much already and."
I stopped in my prayer tracks. I was just about to say to God, "She has already paid her dues to the pain and suffering club. Didn't you get the statement?"
And I thought about where we are right now. We too have paid more than our fair share (who determines what is fair, right?) to the pain and suffering club.
We should not be here in critical care. Not knowing when the medicines will start to work. Not knowing when we will get back to our children. Not knowing if we should tell Pancho's parents to come. Not knowing a whole lot.
And yet, this is where God has seen fit to have us be right here, right now.
We gave Samuel Jose the name for a reason. Samuel for two reasons:
1) Hannah pleaded with the Lord for a son. We pleaded with the Lord for a child. God gave Hannah a son "and she named him Samuel, saying, "Because I have asked him of the Lord." (I Samuel 1:20)
2) In the story of Samuel in the temple with Eli, Samuel hears the Lord calling to him and giving him a message for Eli. He gives the not-good news to Eli about his sons poor judgment and imminent death. And Eli says, "It is the Lord; let Him do as He sees fit."
We chose Jose for Samuel's middle name because Pancho's middle name is Jose but also because in the story of Jose (Joseph) in the Bible, Jose comes to the place where he recognizes that what his brothers intended for evil, God allowed for good.
We also believe that what Satan intended for evil with the miscarriages, God allowed for good.
So, here we are again in a situation where we believe that Satan intends for evil for our family and God is allowing it to happen and He is going to work it for good.
It is not about paying dues and then being done. It is not even about learning the lesson in the midst of the trial so that the trial is lifted. It is about learning about God's character and His love for us in the middle of tough circumstances and impossible situations. That is what this is all about and just because we have come to this realization AGAIN does not mean that when we get the lab work back today everything will look good and we can go home. It might. It might not. But either way. God is faithful. And we are experiencing His faithfulness each moment of this day and the next and however many more there are here and then at home and wherever we are in life.
The chorus of the song says
"We are the champions-my friends
We'll keep on fighting-til the end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for losers
For we are the champions-of the world"
And that is the absolute truth. We will be the champions of this world because of what Jesus accomplished on the cross and then what He works to accomplish in our lives through whatever experiences He sees fit to allow.
We will keep on fighting this, to the end, because we have the hope that Jesus Christ is the champion of this world and we are on His team and we shall overcome.
Well, I have had that song on my mind lately...
"I've paid my dues
Time after time
I've done my sentence
But committed no crime"
I feel like that. Again.
When we were having the miscarriages I remember thinking that after the first one we should not have any more because we had already "paid our dues" to the miscarriage club.
Then we had another miscarriage. I thought, "Um, God, did you not receive the statement with our name on it saying we paid?"
So, we dealt with the second loss. Surely we would not have another miscarriage.
And then the third one happened.
I was so confused and hurt and frustrated with the Lord. I remember literally crying out to Him with the words, "I have paid my dues to the miscarriage club. What is the deal here, God?"
He taught me so many things through those miscarriages and for that I can honestly say I am thankful. Don't get me wrong, they were excruciatingly painful (not necessarily physically) but the understanding we gained about God's faithfulness and character far outweigh the pain we experienced during those losses.
Well, back to today. I was reading a blog that I follow about a woman who is currently pregnant and experiencing quite a bit of pain in this pregnancy. She lost her last baby 2.5 hours after she was born. In her most recent blog post she asked for prayer for the pain, etc.
I sat in the critical care room with Pancho and began to pray for her. My prayer started out, "God, please alleviate the pain my blog friend is experiencing. God, she has gone through so much already and."
I stopped in my prayer tracks. I was just about to say to God, "She has already paid her dues to the pain and suffering club. Didn't you get the statement?"
And I thought about where we are right now. We too have paid more than our fair share (who determines what is fair, right?) to the pain and suffering club.
We should not be here in critical care. Not knowing when the medicines will start to work. Not knowing when we will get back to our children. Not knowing if we should tell Pancho's parents to come. Not knowing a whole lot.
And yet, this is where God has seen fit to have us be right here, right now.
We gave Samuel Jose the name for a reason. Samuel for two reasons:
1) Hannah pleaded with the Lord for a son. We pleaded with the Lord for a child. God gave Hannah a son "and she named him Samuel, saying, "Because I have asked him of the Lord." (I Samuel 1:20)
2) In the story of Samuel in the temple with Eli, Samuel hears the Lord calling to him and giving him a message for Eli. He gives the not-good news to Eli about his sons poor judgment and imminent death. And Eli says, "It is the Lord; let Him do as He sees fit."
We chose Jose for Samuel's middle name because Pancho's middle name is Jose but also because in the story of Jose (Joseph) in the Bible, Jose comes to the place where he recognizes that what his brothers intended for evil, God allowed for good.
We also believe that what Satan intended for evil with the miscarriages, God allowed for good.
So, here we are again in a situation where we believe that Satan intends for evil for our family and God is allowing it to happen and He is going to work it for good.
It is not about paying dues and then being done. It is not even about learning the lesson in the midst of the trial so that the trial is lifted. It is about learning about God's character and His love for us in the middle of tough circumstances and impossible situations. That is what this is all about and just because we have come to this realization AGAIN does not mean that when we get the lab work back today everything will look good and we can go home. It might. It might not. But either way. God is faithful. And we are experiencing His faithfulness each moment of this day and the next and however many more there are here and then at home and wherever we are in life.
The chorus of the song says
"We are the champions-my friends
We'll keep on fighting-til the end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for losers
For we are the champions-of the world"
And that is the absolute truth. We will be the champions of this world because of what Jesus accomplished on the cross and then what He works to accomplish in our lives through whatever experiences He sees fit to allow.
We will keep on fighting this, to the end, because we have the hope that Jesus Christ is the champion of this world and we are on His team and we shall overcome.
Kristina- I have been slowly catching up on your blog. Nikki gave me the address for it. I am amazed by the strength in your spirit! You are a Godly woman and an inspiration! Thank you for this post and the reminder of how Gods will interacts with our own ideas. Christ already paid in full what we could continue paying for all our lives! God simply works for the good of those who love him! I am praying for your family!
ReplyDeleteKris, my heart hurts with you all and I also rejoice in God's work in your heart. You are a tremendous treasure to Him and to ME. I am praying for moment by moment strength for you, for wisdom, for Pancho's health, for Katrina and Samuel. Know that we love you so, so much and are enveloping you with prayers and love!
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