Have any of you ever viewed Wife Swap? I have not seen an episode in its entirety but I kind of like the very underlying premise of the show... Step into someone else's shoes for a while and it gives you a whole new perspective on your own role.
Well, last week Pancho and I had the opportunity to do just that. No, we did not participate in an upcoming episode of Wife Swap. We swapped roles
within/without the home. He was a stay-at-home papa and I was a working mama for one short/long week (it depends who you ask!).
Greenheck, Pancho's employer, had a "mandatory furlough" directive that needed to be fulfilled between October and December. Pancho chose last week as his week to be off of work and I am on the substitute list for the local school district, so I had sub jobs all week long. It was his idea to make it a "real" swap so he stated on the Friday before the work week started that he would be getting up with Samuel at night, etc. This part was EXTREMELY appealing to me!
So, that night, Friday, Samuel began his usual crying fit about 11:45 PM and Pancho went to his room almost immediately. It felt strange for me to not
have to be awake with him but I was awake nonetheless. After quite a few minutes of screaming on Samuel's part I went into the bedroom to see if I could offer any suggestions. Pancho at that point proceeded to tell me that it was time for Samuel to learn that when the family sleeps, he needs to sleep. At first I was going to protest (as I had once before when he suggested it) but I was too stinking tired to put up much of a fight and so we laid him down with his pacifiers and went back to our bedroom. Neither of us are sure how long he cried or how many more times he woke up and cried that first night but we both are sure of this: IT WAS SO WORTH IT. He is now going to bed FULLY awake for naps and at night and he does cry a bit most times but he calms himself down and goes to sleep on his own. I keep asking myself why I didn't do it sooner, but you know? I wasn't ready to do it any earlier. I had to be at the
very end of my rope to let him cry like that, and I finally was and I am so thankful for the Lord's timing of this!
On Sunday night before the subbing began as we lay in bed, Pancho said, "So, what is your normal Monday routine?" He was really taking this thing seriously. I told him that we didn't have any hard and fast plans on Mondays and that he could do whatever he wanted with the kids. He said, "No, I mean, isn't Monday your cleaning day?" After I regained consciousness (just kidding!) I said, "Yes. If you want to vacuum the house that would be wonderful. Thank you so much." He did!
So, Monday rolled around before I wanted it to and not soon enough for Pancho... I cried as I left the house that first morning. I didn't like the idea of leaving them all behind. Here was one of my first glimpses into what it must be like for Pancho every day (although he says that it wears off after a while but comes back after long weekends and vacations).
We both had fairly uneventful Mondays. He did text me at one point asking for some troubleshooting which I was more than happy to offer! I felt like I was still needed at that point.
That didn't last long. Katrina and Samuel absolutely LOVED having him home with them day-in and day-out. He got Samuel on a wonderful schedule of naps and the earliest bedtime he has ever had (7:30 and sleeping through until at least 7:00). Katrina played to her hearts content too.
Each day was about the same for me. I dragged myself out of bed in the morning and got ready while Pancho snoozed in the sack for a bit longer. Then I quickly made my way downstairs while he made me a delicious cup of coffee and I gathered my things. He lounged around in his pajamas while I buttoned my winter coat and headed for the door, lunch in hand. (You might think I am speaking derogatorily of Pancho, but remember, this is what I get to do
all the time!)
We learned some very interesting things over the course of the week and I would like to share some of them with you...
Being a stay-at-home parent is HARD work. No matter what luxuries you see from the outside, it is a lot of work.
Being a working parent is HARD work. No matter what luxuries you see from the outside, it is a lot of work.
It is hard to run errands with two kids, especially in cold weather (those families with more than two have our sympathy!). Pancho even refrained from some of the things I asked of him because it is so tough. I do the same thing on occasion.
Being a working parent left me feeling like all the days ran together. Maybe this changes but I felt like one day bled into the next and so on and so forth. The weekend was over way too soon and I didn't even have to go back to work on Monday.
Being a stay-at-home parent leaves VERY little time for getting things done. At the beginning of the week I told him this simple little equation: however long you estimate something taking you to finish (small project around the house, laundry, cooking dinner) multiply that number by 20 and that is about how long it will take you when you are home with the kids. He laughed but by the end of the week those bursts of laughter had turned to tears when he realized that the wiring project he wanted to finish had not even begun.
It is good to be thankful
every single day for the role God has called you to. Pancho did not want to go back to work. He enjoyed his time with the kids so much. We both know after a few more weeks he would have been ready to get some things accomplished (he thrives on accomplishing objectives) but he would give that up any day to have the uninterrupted time with the kids.
Here are some things that got done while I was off at work:
New batteries were installed in all the toys that were no longer working (leave it to him to do that!).
Katrina and Samuel were played
with basically the
entire time I was working. This has been something that I am striving to do as well. It is easy as a stay-at-home mama to find all sorts of projects to do (remember, they take a long time to complete!) and to actually neglect the children we are staying home to care for. This week I have made it a goal to play
with Katrina and Samuel instead of leave them to play on their own and intervene when I need to.
Samuel got onto an incredible schedule and is able to go to bed awake. No more bouncing and coercing and sneaking out of his room when I think he is finally asleep.
So, I leave you with this... If you ever have the chance to role swap with your spouse, do it! It is hard but it is such a wonderful experience in so many ways. Last night as Pancho was coming home and I was scrambling frantically to get dinner finished, I was becoming quite flustered. When we sat down to dinner he said to me, "Listen, if I learned one thing this past week it is that your job here is SUPER hard and I didn't realize how hard it was before. Now that I know, don't worry about getting dinner on the table so we can eat when I walk in the door. I don't want you to get to the point that you don't enjoy staying home with the kids." We smiled at one another and grabbed hands. I said, "I don't want to get to that point either and I don't think I will. I enjoy all the parts of being a stay-at-home mom and I am so thankful we had the chance to see what the other does every day because it really was eye-opening."
